I’ve been wanting to blog lately, but somehow it has become a lesser priority. I mean, I know what is going on in my life now, so why would I need to do this? Simply put, I need to do it for self-reflection and therapy. It started out such for when I was initially diagnosed (seems like eons ago now…). During this time, it has become a place for me to vent about various things going on in my life or just make a note to myself that I will come back and read “some day”.
Three months is pretty inexcusable, but I’ll try to catch myself up here :)
Since that time, many things have gone on, while some things remain unchanged. Firstly, my son seems to be “too busy” to keep in touch with me unless it is a birthday or day like Father’s Day. I never quite got David, and sometimes I wonder, “Was I like that?”. The answer would be NO. I was always very much aware of family and priorities – even when I was in high school and hanging out with friends post-high school. Maybe it’s the new generation. No, because my step-kids aren’t like that. No, David is just David. He has always lacked a sense of priorities. I mean, what does it take to call OR TEXT me? And why am I always the one who has to do it? I was never like that with my parents. I am sure he does it to his mom too. I still do not get his moving away 2500 miles away? With his girlfriend?
Despite the divorce, it saddens me that David and his sister do not talk. Again, not surprising. Both are self centered, with his sister being the queen of brats. Whatever. It’s not even worth thinking about much.
I was sadden a couple of weeks ago (yeah, I should have blogged) about the passing of Martin Milner, an actor on one of my favorite shows growing up (“Adam-12”). It is sort of a reality check.
Then today, I was going through my computer to organize some pictures, and ran across some pictures of the kids around 2007 – just months before the divorce. It is kind of a surreal thought, still to this day. Those days literally seem like a lifetime ago. The divorce was horrid, and kids were younger. Now they are both gone their own ways. Weird. Life is just weird.
Tonight I was going through more pictures and saw some of my mom and dad, with Uncle Larry and Aunt Sharon. Geez. They’re all gone now :(
I know, I won’t live for ever. That’s life.
About three weeks ago I practically had a mental break down [I was alone at home]. I was going through a box I received of my dad’s belongings from my sister. It was a necessary but hard thing to go through. I cried, hysterically. I am glad I was alone, because real men don’t cry, right? Sometimes life just sucks.
Lately Lena and I have been considering where we might want to retire. This has been really exciting (yea, something happy for once!) as we’ve been looking at houses we both like (but don’t always agree on!) and also looking at our calendar and finances. I would retire now if I could, but I can’t damn it. We are both in love with Bend, but also trying to be realistic about when that might happen. From the looks of things, it is a good five years off, minimum. Sparks is a consideration too, it’s just so damn dry.
Work has been the usual pain in the a**. Thank God this project is winding down. Enough said.
I still have yet to hit one of the chess clubs. I really want to start doing some over-the-board instead of online or computer (where I am always losing lol).
Overall life is good. I am generally happy. It helps to have a wife who loves you <3