Already it has been two months into the new year, and I can’t believe this is my first post of the year! Great Scott! I think in some ways I have slipped into a sort of coma. Life has been passing me by as I try to keep up with the daily stress of life, drama and business with work. I’ve actually been going through a slight depression, and last night was no exception. Taxes. Ughh,
A lot has happened in the last two months. So why haven’t I blogged. I don’t know. I wouldn’t say it is because I don’t care – because I do. I just get busy with work, and try to keep up with everything around me, but sometimes it is just overwhelming.
Sometimes I just tire of the drama I see on Facebook, especially between cousins. I am SO GLAD I removed D & D – I certainly do not need their soured opinions and disparity. I have also dropped a few other ‘friends’ from HS that I certainly do not need. It is not that I don’t mind other opinions or views. But I don’t need to feel “beat up” from someone just because I share a different view point! This happened with D & D, along with a few others. So then I get to a point and ask myself – is it me? Am I the one that cannot get along with others? All my life, I have been passive, shy, the nice guy, and complacent. I am usually happy no matter what the circumstances or situation. So I dropped out of FB for two or three weeks, and quite honestly, I don’t think anyone even noticed.
The last couple of months have seen their share of ups-and-downs with work. I’ve been on a big project, and have been the project lead for this, carrying the brunt of the weight of the project on my shoulders. I’ve received some help from a contractor, but very little help from co-workers. After all, it’s not their project. My appraisal went as expected – the usual average rating and disclaimer that there is no money in the budget for raises. If I wasn’t this close to retiring (~10 years) I would probably bail and look elsewhere, but good jobs with good benefits are hard to find.
On the positive side, I am finally working in Walnut Creek now. It’s only taken five months to get moved here!
On the family side, I continue to hear from David infrequently. Just when I am about to write him off, I hear from him. He’s been on his own cell phone plan since January, and he’s called once. Up to that time, I was always the one texting him to see how he was doing. Sometimes I just get tired of being the one to pursue relationships.
As far as friends go, Daryl and I had a falling-out a couple of years ago. Though we had our differences, I miss that connection back to days when life was simpler and less stressful. I may contact him in the near future.
I had a good thing going with Ira for a while. Now that he is retired and traveling back-and-forth to Austin to see his kids and grand kids, he has kind of left me in the dust. This is a little surprising considering how he used to comment about others vacating friendships. The last couple of times we met, he had very limited time, and/or his wife would come get him after an hour. It reminds me of how you drop your kids off at the babysitter’s while you go out to a movie with your date, and then come back and pick-up the kids….
As for the home front, I feel things are going great with ‘the wife’. We are communicating well, and discussing mutual goals. This is important to me to be on the same page without debate with the one I live with 24×7! We have recently decided to remodel our kitchen and are both very excited to see how it turns out! This is huge, since neither of us have done such a big change to our homes, and now we get to do it together :)
Lena’s mom just moved this last weekend also. We are happy that she has been able to get into a place that is more affordable. All the siblings were there, and it was a joint effort to get her moved.
Alas, I bought a new bike and I am anxious to go for some casual rides out in the country area. It’s been a bit too cold to ride it lately, and have only put about 6-8 miles on it. I now have all the gear I need and I am ready to ride! I might get a small pack to go it for some items to carry, but that is about it.
Health wise, everything seems to be stable, though I feel I should be consuming more greens. Hopefully once the kitchen remodel is done, I can get back on track with this. I also want to continue with my New Year goals of eating healthier, more smoothies (berry and green), and cooking more. Time to get out that slow cooker and do some veggies!
I think the general feeling I was having when I began this post is this: I have felt abandoned. Kids do not talk to me (one never, one rarely), and my old work buddies have slowly disappeared into the woodwork. That is why I have reached-out to Daryl and try to make amends. Yeah, he’s weird. But he’s my weird friend. We have a long history going back, and I don’t want to completely abandon a friendship if it can make me a little more social. We are planning on some chess over coffee this weekend. I will, of course, bring up some of the past. But mostly, it is water under the bridge. I have learned to forgive and forget.
I just wish I didn’t feel alone/depressed so much. Why is that….? Sometimes these haunting feelings are just nagging feelings that slowly evaporate. Maybe it is easier for me to forgive, but not forget ….